In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
