a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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