I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Randomize
