wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Randomize
