i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
