She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize