I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Randomize
