just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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