Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
