remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
