Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
