i permit you to call me
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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