Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
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