At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Watching her eat just hurts me
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
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