WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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