At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Randomize