My first STD was from a foam party
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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