He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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