I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
