I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
are you so shy because you have an std?
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
