I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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