Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
either way he was missing a nipple.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
