No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
You're earring is so big in my mouth
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
