so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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