Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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