I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
