dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Randomize
