i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I think I am morally bankrupt
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
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