Me too!
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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