so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
