Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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