Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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