you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
