I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
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