I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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