just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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