the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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