It's Friday. Sex?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
