and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Randomize
