Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Randomize
