don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
