you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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