I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
