Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
