dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
