I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Randomize
