brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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