also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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