The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
