I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize