Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
