wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
