I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize