I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
