Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
