Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Randomize
