Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
