Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
