i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
