We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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