sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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