im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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