Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
