Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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