I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
