I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
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